I just got engaged, and I'm already overwhelmed with all I have to do. Where should I start?
Who is invited to the rehearsal dinner? My fiancé says family, everyone in the wedding, and all the out-of-town guests. I personally wouldn't include all the out-of-towners.
My fiancé and I have just begun planning the wedding, and we're already way over budget. We have a very tight budget and can’t afford to exceed it. How can we cut costs?
We're on a really tight budget. Is it smart to hire a photography student or ask one of our guests who is an amateur photographer to take pictures rather than to hire a professional?
My fiancé’s family is driving me crazy. Ever since we announced our engagement, they've been bombarding me on all sides with demands -- from inviting third cousins to including their kids in the ceremony! They're creating so much craziness that I'm ready to give up on the whole wedding and elope. Is there any way to deal with this?
QI just got engaged, and I'm already overwhelmed with all I have to do. Where should I start?
AFirst of all, best wishes on your engagement. This is a wonderful time in your life, and I hope you are able to really enjoy it's magic.
When you begin the planning process, it certainly can seem overwhelming at times. The first thing you and your fiancé should do is spend some time discussing your individual visions for the wedding. Oftentimes, this early communication will reveal differences in opinion that can be settled before they create problems. You can discuss the wedding date, desired location, type of wedding, number of guests, who pays for what, honeymoon plans, and, especially your priorities. Consider buying a wedding planner, which will help you organize and manage your tasks and ideas.
Then, once you've decided on a date, the first task should be securing the wedding and/or reception sites and the photographer, since, oftentimes, their availabilities are limited to one event per day. After you've dome that, slow down a bit and try to enjoy yourself. Use your wedding planner to help you schedule appointments and methodically work through the list. Before you know it, the wedding day will be here, and you'll be able to enjoy all the hard work you've put into planning it.
QWho is invited to the rehearsal dinner? My fiancé says family, everyone in the wedding, and all the out-of-town guests. I personally wouldn't include all the out-of-towners.
AThe rehearsal dinner guest list can include just the two of you, your immediate families, the wedding party, and the officiant and his/her spouse. Or, it can be a larger event, including all of the out-of-town guests (or at least all those who 
will have already arrived in town for the wedding). It's up to you, but the reason manycouples do include out-of-towners (especially when the rehearsal dinner is the night before) is so they're not left stranded with nothing to do in a strange town.
If you choose to have an intimate party (for budgetary reasons or just as a matter of choice), that is fine, but make plans for your out of town guests. Arrange to have another relative or friend host a cocktail party or dinner for them at a local restaurant. Or, put together a welcome package to be given to the out-of-towners when they arrive at the hotel that includes information about and directions to nearby restaurants, bars, malls and movie theaters, for instance. As long as you make some arrangements for them, most will be fine. Ultimately, it's all about being a good host/hostess.
QMy fiancé and I have just begun planning the wedding, and we're already way over budget. We have a very tight budget and can’t afford to exceed it. How can we cut costs?
ACommunication and creation are the keys. You and your fiancé need to spend some time revisiting your original plans and re-evaluating your priorities. Find out what is most important to you and rearrange your budget accordingly. You need to be willing to pay appropriately for products/services that are of great importance to you, but maybe you can cut costs in other areas.
For instance, if having friends and family with you is very important but the cost of a huge evening reception is busting your budget, maybe you can have an afternoon reception, which generally is less expensive. Additionally, take a close look at the guest list. While cutting can be difficult to do, maybe you can remove people who are included out of obligation rather than because of their close relationship to you. The amount of money you’ll save just by cutting ten people can be substantial. And, be creative. Have a party with a bunch of friends and make the centerpieces instead of buying or renting them. Consider hand-made wedding party gifts or less-expensive ones purchased at unique or vintage shops, which will always be treasured by your friends. And many brides now are making their veils or decorating their shoes due to the availability of materials at most local fabric and craft shops.
QWe're on a really tight budget. Is it smart to hire a photography student or ask one of our guests who is an amateur photographer to take pictures rather than to hire a professional?
AThis always is a difficult decision because of the variety of concerns. First, you need to decide how important good wedding photos are to you and your fiancé. If they are at the top of your priority list, consider hiring a professional for a number of reasons. First, experience. Shooting a wedding is different than shooting portraiture or landscapes. The pace is considerably quicker, and the pressure to perform is higher. You want someone who can handle both with ease while, at the same time, making your day as stress-free as possible. An inexperienced shooter can set the tone for everyone around him or her.
Second, relationships. Asking a friend or family member to shoot for you can be great or it can be a disaster. If the pictures turn our beautifully, then everyone is happy. But what happens if they aren’t so great? Will you have to sit across the table from that person every Thanksgiving remembering how they ruined your wedding pictures? Sometimes, the potential emotional cost is too great for both parties to bear.
With that said, if the pictures are not high on your list of priorities, inexpensive options are available. Check local wedding and party planning sites to find photographers who are relatively new in the business. They tend to have lower prices while they’re building their portfolios. Or, call the photography department at a local college and ask about referrals. Finally, go ahead and call the established photographers on your list and explain your situation. You might find one who is willing to work with you within your budget so that you are able to get what you need at a price you can afford.
QMy fiancé’s family is driving me crazy. Ever since we announced our engagement, they've been bombarding me on all sides with demands -- from inviting third cousins to including their kids in the ceremony! They're creating so much craziness that I'm ready to give up on the whole wedding and elope. Is there any way to deal with this?
AAh, welcome to the world of in-laws. J For better or worse, your fiancé’s family is part of the package, and this is your first lesson in dealing with them. First, keep in mind that you don't want to get off on the wrong foot with your new family, so diplomacy is the name of the game. You need to take your fiancé aside and talk with him about the issues. Explain the 
situation to him in a non-accusatory way (think, "I need your help," not "your mom is overbearing!"), and find out how he feels. Once the two of you are on the same page, enlist his help. After all, he knows them much better than you, and he probably knows how to diffuse a conflict. Second, consider compromise. Ask the kids to hand out programs, but draw the line at inviting long lost distant relatives (explaining politely that you and your husband are trying to hold down costs so that you will have enough money to start your lives together comfortably). Third, step back for a minute and listen very carefully to some of their ideas or demands. Maybe they are truly good ideas and would, in fact, enhance your wedding day. Finally, consider giving his family responsibility for something that isn’t very important to you. Oftentimes, this type of behavior is just a person’s way of making themselves part of the process. Having responsibility for something allows them to feel like they are an integral part of the event and, as a bonus, can strengthen your relationship with them.